Its more then just a Veterns Issue...

Lets go on a trip and find ourselves again. When I talk of just running away, this is why.. to heal...

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Today was a great day for me, I got a temp filling in my tooth and an appt next week so I can get it fixed the rest of the way, the kids and I went to the river to play and find shells. I even came home and made my MIL's Fried Chicken and home fries, which made Amos very happy. :D
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So why am I writing on Vets Issues? Why do I come back to PTSD?

Because of my friends, family and everyone who doesn't have someone to talk to.

I am a first line contact/emergency contact for a friend of ours who was deployed with us (Amos and I 05-06) who has now seen 2 more tours. She knows she can call me  no matter what time. Even if all I do is listen and let her know I know what its like to have bad days/weeks. APPARENTLY.. her family doesn't know how to be there. Even my mother calls me "army crazy", she acknowledges that I came back from war different and I dont have the spark I left with 6yrs ago. My dad who is also a combat vet (Gulf War-20yrs ago), also suffers. I call him. Amos talks to me.

But who do you go to when you know your broken, but those around you just think its a phase or wont acknowledge that your different? Sure the VA has groups, there are sites on the web and hotlines. Yet sometimes you need a familiar voice that knows you... has watched you and can help. I became truely pissed off today when I realized its because they support the wars so they cant have a child go off to war and come back changed without realizing how flawed thier belifs are.

I dont want to come off ANTI-military. No, I know the cost of freedom and support each and every service member who raise their hand to support and defend  the USA... I am just saddened but the abuse and misuse of power. I am hurt and angered by treating a person in uniform differently the moment they have reached the point of mentally breaking. And the VA system for all its loop to jump through.

Invisible wounds are hard for everyone, especially the person who has them. They are harder to treat with medication, harder to express, and harder to live with.

But as a mother, how could I tell my child that their pain isnt valid because it cant be seen. Thats what she feels. Thats why it matters.

Getting better, finding that new normal is a lot of trial and error. Some days can be great for weeks but in a instant things make it crash down and you have to start all over again. Triggers are sounds, smells, the way something feels, and most of all the unknown. Only other vets who are going through it know how hard it is to wake up and to armor yourself for the day. Other vets are the only ones who can truely sympathize when you tell them of how you "flipped" at a tornado siren, or "just broke down" at the sound of a firework. Other vets know how hard holidays are and how you have to mentally prepare yourself for normal events.

I'm not perfect, far from it, and today was a good day... but I wont forget that today I had a phone call, because someone couldnt turn to family, they turned to a fellow vet.