Comfort Food... just those words can bring forth the memories of good times and situations that turned for the better. IT was my mission today. To make scrapple (AKA Fried Cornmeal Mush), its something my family has made with Thanksgiving leftovers for as long as I can remember. It goes great plain, or with a fried egg.
Last night was a BAD night. Word to the Wise, is someone next to you is having a bad dream/flash back. DONT wake them up. You may think your doing the right thing but then they are just awake fully aware of the memory that was being relived. Sleeping through it is better, at least that way the sub-conscience takes over and makes sure you dont remember as much.
My problem last night, I was having one of those intense NIghtmares and as i was feeling the room shake, the smell, the sounds, starting to relive it... i was awoken to deal with 2 kids who were awake. BY the time i went Momster on them and crawled back in bed i wept till i slept. Its been a day very long day, highlighted by the comfort food i mentioned above.
3 influencing factors, on why this might of happened. 1, forgot my meds yesterday and today (*Took them this evening when i remembered.) 2, hormonal changes. 3, as i call it, its my bad time of the year. (we had more then our fare share of Motar attacks at FOB Summerall, before my unit got to SPEICHER Christmas eve 2005. but even there they ((INsurgents)) liked to zero in on the motorpool and water tower)
I got my scrapple made and it was good, but ive been a walking BITCH... I just feel so broken. I hate that i have to relay on medication to make me even feel normal. and i hate that i feel controlled like im in a dream and cant shake it. I cant cry and feel better like i use to. I just want to sleep till its over. I wish i could sleep till its over. Tonight IM taking yet another pill to sleep hoping tomorrow its over.
I cant begin to understand what you have been through, and how its affects you today. I hope today is a better day for you.
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