no I'm not running.. but I did cut the grass yesterday.
so in all seriousness, I need to be glad Im on the meds I am so in 2 weeks when I go back I can give a good report. I have had just 1 anxiety attack in the past 3 days, and only 1 outburst. I was also able to sit back and enjoy an activity today. (painting) something I havent been able to do in about a month. PLUS, feel emotionally connected with another person (not animal) in over 4 months.
when i was putting the kids to bed I was able to be the mom I want to be. Patient, gentle, and fun.
today I was able to go be apart of something, that helps me give meaning to what I am. Getting away from the kids was as nice as gearing up for the school year. Scouts will rock. I just know it.
Trying to explain PTSD to someone is like this...
** Remember when you were a kid and your parents told you to trust the little voice that was in your head. The one that got you doing the right thing. Well, now imagine that that little voice is being muffeled and you cant hear it anymore, and instead of doing good, the voice you hear makes you sad, hurts your feelings, and makes everything ugly. Thats what it is like most days, on a good day, your little voice will try/attempt to fight back, till its spirit is broken again.
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