silent tears

My Diversity class is emotionally charged. Today we did a class discussion on "who am I" and stereotypes. then we watched a documentary called "The Childrens march" about the kids in Birmingham during the Civil rights movement and how they changed it. I have been on edge since.

As I watched, i saw myself in those children. I saw my kids in those kids, I just wanted to scream and yell and say its not fair.. lets all be friends, why cant we just accept everyone for who they are not what they look like. I cried. In class tears would silently cross my face to fall from my chin. that it took the children's desire for freedom to be the catalyst to change. Broke my heart... but it broke that the adults were unwilling, scared, oppressed. When i put myself in their shoes, would i be a "white" bussed in the help walk, would I attend the rallies? would i be scared? if i was would the fear dominate me? How can I stop them if and when i see this segeration even today.

Here i am tooting my horn in class about being this individual who did what i wanted and avoided scumming to the status quo. but how would I act?

Sure I give hitchhikers rides, homeless men change, and have yet to meet a stranger. but I only do this when I am alone, I dont want someone to "flip-out" on me when I have the kids along or if amos is with me. (I dont think he would approve, if and when I do do something like this i only tell him afterwards) .

So does that make me a closet fighter/helper? or more average 2faced? How can i teach the kids how to be good citizens of the world, when my avoidance I am showing them the example of  soci/economic classism..

While for now I know the kids are not raciest, they could care less about skin tone, they see humanity and for that I am proud. But If i do have silent demons, i dont want to see them manifest in my childrens innocence. I want them to be brave, and strong, and want to protect the greater good. Even if I am to scared to.